Friday, February 5, 2010

Her own identity

Elizabeth has been moving for what feels like non stop since early january.  Last night, I commented to Mitch that I can't figure out what would cause her to punch me in the inerds, outerds, downwards, upwards....for 3 full hours. I don't remember travis being this active,'s almost like she's making up for what i missed out on with Cana.  And it's finally allowing my heart to see and connect with Elizabeth's own identity.  My previous post was more about how we were struggling with not reliving all things Cana with every hiccup with E.  Now i laugh at her joyful stirring in my womb.  I revel in remembering about Cana more than in painful reminder.  I am able to connect more with my daughter in her savior's arms and therefore draw closer to Him because of her...and am able to connect to my baby girl, growing healthily in my tummy.  Praise God!

Early January, I took travis in for a rash with no fever. I had googled it, found that the only thing it seemed it could be was called "fifth disease."  It presents as sort of a cold, followed by a rash.  That rash is the only real way to know what you've got.  Most of us have gotten it as children.  And once that rash presents, we are no longer contagious.  And while it's mostly a non issue, it can be dangerous for pregnant women, for the babies.  Unless you've had it before.  As soon as i read that, i knew..i KNEW that i hadn't ever had it.  We already had an appt scheduled and i told her about travis and the fifths.  She drew some blood and a day later, she told me i was positive for the virus.  What they meant was that we would have "serial" ultrasounds again to monitor EHM (elizabeth hope) for up to 8-12 weeks.  I went in the following week, and all looked beautiful.  Dr. said most likely if it was going to be a problem, we would have already seen it but to have one just u/s as a precaution.  In the days leading up to the first u/s, i had these fleeting thoughts of "Lord, did i not learn the lessons you wanted me to get with Cana? Was i not faithful enough?  Did i not learn how to wait on you, Lord?'  I felt that i had failed in His mission to me.  But then i thought, maybe you are asking me to remain faithful to show others your faithfulness to us yet again.... (and then i laughed and said "isn't that arrogant?") hearts desire IS to be used as an instrument of His peace, mercy, joy in suffering, and redemption in Christ.  So...bring it on.  

Our last u/s (to watch for the fifths) was yesterday.  She's measuring perfectly in line with our NFP calendar conception date (Natural Family Planning) and she's active, smaller than travis (YES! no almost 9 pounder this time) and just...gosh, she's just perfect.