Thursday, March 25, 2010


This is Elizabeth.

 I wish i could honor her more to thank her for all her service and help and love and time she has freely given to our family over these last couple of years, but esp. the last 4 weeks.  She was one of the few to meet our Cana.  She calls her her "patron saint."  She thinks of her daily and we're pretty sure she has visited Cana's grave more than we have.  I HOPE she knows that by naming our 2nd daughter after her, that we recognize all that she's done for us, but more importantly..all that she is TO us.  We trust her completely with all our babies.  Travis does like to take advantage of her, but i think it's because he knows she makes fun of how he runs.  Just one of the things we love about her. 

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Will it matter? - no judgement please...

So as we celebrate one more hour/day/week into this pregnancy, having her safe in my tummy, cooking just a lil bit longer, I sit here on the couch on day one of week 34 and listen to travis fight out his naptime - kicking walls, opening and closing doors, playing with various sound machine noises...oh he is now...i guess i will give in and just let him sit on the couch for the remainder of the time mitch is gone to the grocery store.  Mitch is gone from home 12+ hours a day, my family works, and the family that doesn't work just can't seem to find the time to offer grocery shopping, meals, babysitting, or just a visit to help travis get thru the day.  I want to give shout outs to those who have helped and offered, even with youth ministry jobs, babies to tend to PLUS babies in bellies,  kids in high school and college-but still make us dinner, even letting travis help them prep the meals for us here, chasing travis around the house, helping me keep him from climbing into his sisters crib, keeping him out of Lola's room (when are you coming to visit again, Lola?) and just the gentle reminder from you givers that i'm NOT a burden to you.  Yet, it is glaringly obvious that we are a burden.

When  we were pregnant with travis, we had placenta previa at 13 weeks and i had to stay on bedrest till week 20.  Then at week 34, bedrest again for preterm labor.  While pregnant with Cana, we had 2 drs appts a week from week 12 till delivery.  Teens worked in our yard after Hurricane Ike ripped every branch from almost every tree in our yard, while mitch and i had to keep our 2nd and confirming heart echo on Cana.  Meals were brought for weeks after we had her and returned her to the Lord.  A fundraiser to help us pay the medical bills was put on by dear friends at thanksgiving 2008.   People have stepped up consistantly and now i just feel as tho we have used up "that card."  It's not anyones fault that we are where we are.  But you throw grief on top of a subsequent pregnancy where bedrest is yet AGAIN required in order to keep this life growing in me...just feels unbearable right now.  Its not fair that we get stupid letters from HOA that some brick surrounding our house needs to be power washed asap..just a reminder that life outside of this bedrest situation goes on.  but not for us.  The only thing that SHOULD matter right now is doing whatever it takes to let this baby bake as long as she can.  Another NICU visit is not what we want.  Coming home without our baby girl in our arms, for however long that would be, is not what we want.  But there is a tree in the back yard, and only $800 to get it down before it falls on our house, is all it will take. 
Part of me is writing this to just vent it all out.  Even tho i know there will be some who will read this and feel i am having a pity party, or i'm making some sort of personal attack.  I'm just over bedrest. I'm over feeling like a burden.  I'm tired of having to call on the same 4 people to help, when those 4 people have JOBS and BABIES and pregnancies of their own to protect and endure.

and i have to somehow find the HOPE that what this all points me back to is Christ.  "could you not wait with me 1 hour?"  Dear Lord, my heart longs for your compassion and mercy.  Help me to be grateful for all we have, to not want OR NEED for anything but for more of you.


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

turning into...

Is this blog turning into just a photo blog?  Again I ask you to bare with me (by the way, is it "bear" or "bare" with me?..that has always confused me..and i HATE typos!)
but if you could just bare/bear with me while i get thru the lust stage of my relationship with my camera.  :)   Here are a few from my bedrest at mema's house with travis.  Thanks for all your help the last 3 wednesdays, mom!  We had a blast there today!  Beautiful weather, a somewhat cooperative travis - even without the nap, and some great shots to capture the day. 
 time out is for sissies

" throw me that weak stuff, Meat! "- bull durham

 I only wish I still had "her" around to show these pictures to.  My best friend and I no longer speak and i wonder if she would be proud of my work.  She is an amazing photographer and taught me everything i know..and everything i do right with this camera, i owe to her. I wish i could share these with her.

Monday, March 15, 2010

a few from our weekend

you'll have to forgive me.  since we got the new camera, ...well, let's just say i've been hearing a lot more of "mommy, take another picture of me" from travis.  And i'm glad!  He might at well get used to seeing a camera in front of my face. 

all of these were taken during my favorite time of day: dusk. just a few perks of daylight savings.

A conversation with Elizabeth

my little sister.  7 years old.  pretty darn easy to photograph!

little sister.  freckles. 

who taught you to pose like this? 

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


It's a Canon Rebel fo sho!  Here is a recent fav!
Just lovin' my boys.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

a thousand words...

I am loving our new camera! 




when you're on bedrest, taking pics of the dog and the fam are the only options..mostly.  Then friday night, we went to a lil french bakery and i ordered this fruit tart. looked that good!  I just LOVE this camera.  (my valentines, anniversary, birthday and christmas gift..for the next 5 years!)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

It's not supposed to be easy...

We are sitting at 31 weeks gestation with Elizabeth Hope still safely within my womb.  But as i "sit" here, I really should be laying down.  As if the last two pregnancies didn't remind me enough of how little control we actually have on this ride of life, we are now dilated to a 3 (possibly more) and on bedrest for the duration of this pregnancy.  

I am overwhelmed at the emotions flooding my soul so please forgive my scatterings.  I offer them up.

This may be TMI for some of you but i have often thought that my deepest thoughts and clearest messages from the Lord come thru when I'm in the shower. I have a "theology" about it, if you will.  It is when we are in our purest form, our most vulnerable. It's when we are most able, in body and soul, to return to how it was supposed to be in paradise.  So naturally, that is when we hear the Lord speak to our hearts.  At least, that's how it's always been for me. :)  So this morning, during my shower,  I again spoke...and then listened.  And what is pulling at my heart right now is that Love isn't SUPPOSED to be EASY.  God has given us the most perfect example of what LOVE LOOKS like...and that most beautiful and broken body upon that most beautiful cross is what reminds us that LOVE MEANS SACRIFICE.  It's just not supposed to be roses all the time.  It's:
Blessed be Your name
when the sun's shining down on me
when the world's all as it should be
blessed be your name

blessed be your name
on the road marked with suffering
though there's pain in the offering
blessed be your name

It's more like this for us right now. It's more of an offering on a road marked with suffering.  Today it's less like the world's all as it should be.  But still we will say "blessed be your name.   So even tho it's not so easy to love when you have to give up your body for the life within, even if that life is not meant to breathe even one breath in this world, still we sacrifice and suffer and offer it up.  Still we say blessed be your name.  Even when our neighbors judge us, still we love them.  Even when we have to look at our spouses and say "i don't really like you right now..." but still we love them.  Even when friends leave, the banks are calling, the cars are broken, still we say blessed be your name.

Honestly, this post was more for me than for me to preach at ya.  I needed to be reminded of this as i journey on this road that sometimes feels to narrow for anyone to walk it with me.  Then i look to my side, and see those friends...who just sacrifice right along with me.  Even when it's not so easy to love ME.