Saturday, May 29, 2010


How do you handle conflict?  Or a better question might be "how do you RESOLVE it?"  Do you dive in, head on, even in the discomfort of the situation, because you know in the end the relationship will be stronger for it?  (or at least, that is the hope) or do you cower, run and hide, avoid all discussion and hope it just all goes away?  Or do you stand to the side and talk to everyone else about what should be done to make things right, never telling the one person who could have the power to do just that? 

*this is my blog, this is how i deal.  So please don't jump all over me if you think this is about you.  It's not.  It's about ME. 

Over the last year, (in my grief and more..) i've lost more relationships..or at least bruised them to almost the point of no return.  And i have NO CLUE how.  I am the person who hates conflict and confrontation but gets right to it if I feel i've hurt someone, or if i feel hurt..and even in that hurt, i love the person enough to sit down IN THE DISCOMFORT and talk it out.  I care more about the relationship than i do the awkwardness.  OR THE BLAME.  But i do feel very strongly...almost in conviction, that if the relationship means anything, then you sit and deal.  get it over with.  Don't ignore it.  The enemy just loves that. 

Now i also recognize that some people aren't wired quite like me.  I acknowledge that some relationships and people can't be changed just with a talk.  And if that's the case, i let it go...recognizing who they are and that i can't fix it.  Love them regardless and let go of expectations.  BUT..with family, i struggle with this.  I struggle with needing to understand a situation and not being allowed to.  I struggle with closure. 

There is a book my dear Elizabeth just told me about...and i think we are going to read it together..because we both struggle with our needs within / after disagreements and hurts.  The 5 apology languages...(or something like that..i'm too tired to even google it.)  but it's gary chapman, same author as 5 love languages.  (mine is quality time in case you were wondering....except from my dad. with him i throw in affirmation)  Anyhoos..i'll let you know how it goes. 

I know this blog has quite the angry vibe.  and i AM angry.  but i'm hurt above all.  I'm allowed to be hurt.  I'm moving thru it.  This is one way for me.


  1. A lot of people like to avoid conflict I think so they just choose to ignore it.

  2. I get it. I haven't had closure with most issues in my family for my entire life. Now, I don't expect it or even need it. I have been broken of that by shear necessity-- it's just not going to happen.
    Maybe though, I'm pretty careful to not get close enough to anyone to need that anymore. With no family around, except the ones I actually brought into the world, it's easier to tell myself that I just don't need it.
    Oh, and you haven't bruised me. :)