Out of these ashes

I have been silently grieving these last few weeks/months. because how do you explain to family and friends who don't really get it..that just because I hold this beautiful new life and revel in God's Hope and mercy and promise...that i'm still missing her?  How do I not feel guilty for the rise and fall of new emotions on this journey with another life to hold in my before empty arms?  How can i not only just feel gratitude all the time?  Some of you get it.  I thank you.

So on my way to walmart last night for a quick formula and diaper run, i heard "Beauty will Rise" from scc (steven curtis chapman).  And for those of you who don't know, he lost his 5 year old adopted daughter Maria in a tragic accident in 2008.  The same year our Cana beat us to heaven.  He wrote this song as a form of therapy and witness as they travel thru their grief.  I sat in the car and cried, realizing i hadn't been allowing myself time to grieve my daughter's death..Or praise God for her life.  So in a stolen moment in the walmart parking lot, I sobbed.  I looked up the lyrics this morning...and gasped at the connection to my girl.  It seems as tho he wrote this song just for us....

But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams
we have this hope:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning, beauty will rise

So take another breath for now,
and let the tears come washing down,
and if you can't believe I will believe
for you.

Cuz I have seen
the signs of spring!
Just watch and see:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning...

I can hear it in the distance
and it's not too far away.
It's the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast.
I can almost feel the hand of God
reaching for my face
to wipe the tears away, and say,
"It's time to make everything new."

"Make it all new"

This is our hope.
This is the promise.
This is our hope.
This is the promise.

That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that's been made
out of the ashes...
out of the ashes...
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that He's made
out of the ashes...
out of the ashes...
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of this darkness... new life will shine
and we'll know the joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning...beauty will rise!

Our Cana was named after the wedding at Cana.  A wedding feast.  The first of HIS signs...the first sign of the coming glory!  The promise of what Heaven will be like...a wedding feast! 

New life IS shining.  I hear her now.  Thank you Lord for the healthy cries of a newborn baby girl.