After the last appt showed her heart rate @ 163, Dr. Laden recommended we make an appt with a fetal specialist at the medical center and also schedule an echo-cardiogram. (i've seen this EKO and ECHO---we'll stick with ECHO for the remainder of her story.) I was almost 16 weeks along when i got a call to schedule the echo but when i asked if i could hold off a month because the appt was going to be intensive and long and we'd need babysitting all day for Travis, they told me no problem. We would call back at the end of June when my grandma, Travis' Lola would be here. (this is Lola with Travis on his bday-May '07)
In between appts w/ Dr. Laden showed no changes, heart beat was always good. Growth was always behind. She showed to be around 17%. Arms and legs were short. Looked to be a kidney issue. But heart seemed to be pumping well.
So when we knew Lola's arrival date, (early july) I called to schedule the echo and specialist ultrasound. And this is where i was faced with the world's view on my baby girl for the first time. Even now, as i type this...almost 1 year to the day..it still makes my heart sink, my stomach flip flop.
I spoke with a woman at the Baylor Clinic (obstetrics and gyn) and she was the coordinator for that office/specialist who would perform the high end ultrasound. I had to go to a different office for the echo. It was a bit confusing because I had to coordinate the appts and try to make them the same day for the drive and parking fees. It went like this:
me: Hi, my name is Christina. I was told to call you to schedule an appt for an ultrasound, referred by Dr.Laden in the woodlands.
she: ~ is pleasant, goes to get my file..when she returns
she says : um....soooooooo....how can i help you?
me: well, i was just told to call you to schedule this. I'm......not quite sure what you mean.
she:well, you are 22 weeks, right? I mean, why didn't you do this last month? You called us a month ago, that would have put you at 15-16 weeks. You know abortions aren't legal in Texas after 22 weeks, right?
me: *stunned silence
she: *she's starting to sound irritated with my "irresponsibility" and says "you know, you are showing signs of Trisomy 13 or 18 and those babies don't live outside the womb. If you proceed with this pregnancy, you are going to have to have a c-section. do you REALLY want to be cut open for a baby that isn't going to live?"
me: Can i please make my appt for the ultrasound? i was told there was no problem for me to schedule this at this time in my pregnancy.
When i hung up with her, i cried. I cried for my hurt. I cried for the realization that it was going to be us against the world. WE would be her advocates. WE would FIGHT for her life. And we could fight FOR her..and AGAINST the world.
I remember kind of laughing at satan.."oh you are going to have to work harder than this, little man. You are going to have to work a lot harder to defeat me..."
But i DID feel defeated. and alone. And sad. so sad that other women had chosen that option. How could we give up the best 9 months and the best 27 hours God gave us in our daughter's life?